20 July, 2024
By: F.
The gentle sway of the ship beneath my feet used to bring comfort, a reminder of the career I love and the seas I call home. But now, that same motion churns my stomach with anxiety and shame. I never imagined I’d be writing these words, never thought I’d be in this position. Yet here I am, a female mariner who is a survivor of sexual assault by a shipmate.
If you’re reading this and find yourself in a similar situation, my heart aches for you. Know that you’re not alone, even though the ocean around us might make you feel isolated. Unfortunately we are many who have suffered this horrendous fate. I’ve walked this path, and I want to share the lessons I’ve discovered along the way.
First and foremost, as you struggle to grasp what happened: your physical and psychological safety are paramount. If you feel in danger, trust your instincts. Find a secure place on the ship, perhaps your cabin if you can lock the door, or stay close to someone you trust. The ship may suddenly feel like a trap, but there are still spaces where you can catch your breath and think. Avoid your attacker as much as you can. Seek presence and protection from the people you trust, if any. Don’t be alone, except in your cabin when locked.
Once you manage to catch your breath again… as much as you might want to retreat and keep processing what happened, seeking medical advice can important, especially if there was use of drug (if your drink was spiked, for instance, as is more and more common), violence, or absence of contraception during the assault.
I know it is daunting, but it can be crucial for your health and well-being, and for the legal process further down the line, if you ever chose to take this route. To protect your anonymity with your colleagues on the ship, a clinic/hospital while at anchor (although it depends on the country), if at all possible, is preferable. It can provide care, testing for HIV or other STDs, emergency contraception/anti-HIV protocol, and, if you choose to do so, collect evidence.
Remember, seeking medical help doesn’t obligate you to report your assault if you’re not ready. Prefer a female doctor/nurse, and be very assertive that they should be extremely gentle with you when they examine your intimate parts. If you feel that they won’t be, a medical exam might re-traumatize you seriously. Ask for a copy of the medical report and certificates, and keep them in a safe place.
Reporting the assault is a deeply personal decision. I wrestled with this choice, torn between wanting justice and fearing the repercussions in our close-knit maritime community. Know that you have the right to report to your superior officers or the ship’s captain. They are bound by duty and law to take your report seriously and to investigate your claims. If the thought of reporting on board overwhelms you for any reason, there are shore-based options. The Coast Guard Investigative Service and the Maritime Administration have hotlines staffed by professionals trained to handle these situations with care and confidentiality. Be aware, though, that these institutions are far from perfect, and that you may have to fight a battle ahead.
In the tumult of emotions, it’s hard to think clearly. But if you can, try to document everything. I found solace in writing, pouring my experience onto paper – dates, times, locations, any potential witnesses. It helped me process and provided a record that proved invaluable later.
Keep preciously any screenshots and recordings (video or audio) that might back your testimony later on. Many attackers feel so immune that they will compromise themselves before or after the assault. Do not erase emails or incriminating WhatsApp chats, and do keep in mind the fact that collecting evidence might help the judicial process, a crucial step in your future healing and re-empowerment process.
The weight of the assault can crush the spirit, but you don’t have to bear it alone. Counseling services exist (like YachtcrewHelp, who have a lot of experience dealing with survivors of sexual assault at sea), many offering free and confidential support. I was hesitant at first, but talking to someone who understood the unique challenges of maritime life while dealing with trauma was a an incredible support in those traumatic times. Also, there are forums where other survivors support each other and exchange information, on Instagram and Facebook especially. Feel free to create an anonymous Facebook account to preserve your privacy, and to ask for help or advice there. Our organization is also highly specialized on the matter, and will provide good resources and experience on the matter, just browse the past posts and articles.
As mariners, we’re accustomed to navigating by charts and stars, but the path forward after assault can feel like sailing in fog. Remember, you have rights. The Maritime Administration has policies in place to protect us from sexual assault and harassment. You deserve – and are legally entitled to – a safe working environment.
In time, and for some survivors it takes years, you might consider legal action. Maritime law can be complex, and consulting with a lawyer who specializes in this field can advise on options you might not have known existed. Whether it’s pursuing a case against your assaulter or addressing failures in the shipping company’s duty of care, legal recourse is available, and you are entitled to it.
Above all, hold this truth close: what happened is not your fault. The shame and blame belong solely to the perpetrator, not you. The sea has been our livelihood, our passion, and it can remain so. We are strong, resilient, and capable of weathering even the fiercest storms.
Take each moment as it comes. Some days will feel impossibly hard, others might offer glimmers of your old self. Reach out when you need support – to professionals, to trusted friends, or to fellow survivors who understand this journey. You are not alone in these troubled waters, and there is hope and healing ahead.
Useful contacts:
The Coast Guard Investigative Service (CGIS): 1-877-595-5580
The Maritime Administration (MARAD): 1-877-731-3949
Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC): [Contact Information]
End Workplace abuse https://endworkplaceabuse.com/
RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
ISWAN counselling Yachtcrew Help https://www.yachtcrewhelp.org/
Herstory – resource for SASH survivors https://herstory.global/